I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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