Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
