Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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