either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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