Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
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He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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