I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
