he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
