need another drink. this is the easiest way
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
