I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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