I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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