just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We named our party play list daddy issues
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm at about main and main street
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
