is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Michael Bay diarrhea
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
