You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
