Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
