i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
