and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form