I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out