If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...