you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.