Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.