Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
