Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
