Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize