We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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