a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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