I am puke
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He better not be in your backpack
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
