I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
