i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
