When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
