bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
