she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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