I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How does one acquire holy water?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
