There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
