listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
