Little spoons don't ask big questions
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
