all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
