I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
