I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
