He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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