She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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