Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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