Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
