ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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