I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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