ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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