BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
