Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
