now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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