Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
