I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
