So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
