She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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