So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
