she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sext me about skeletons
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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