I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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