remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
