dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
