Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
