69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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