She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Couch. On fire.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
