Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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