I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
