i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
