Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
smell my finger.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
